i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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