I like my sex mixed with concussions.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
