I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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