You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
