Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
