I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
