I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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