I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
