I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
