I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
