Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
