Just fell off a train. Bad.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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