I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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