Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
