mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's the barista slut.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
