Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
