ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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