We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this hospital has no fireball
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There are leaves in my underwear?
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