Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
