capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
