She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
