Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
