Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
