There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
