He is such a slut. More and more my type.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
