I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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