Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
