yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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