gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
