Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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