so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
