first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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