get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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