She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
