I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.