dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake