He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?