You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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