I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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