two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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