You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
