I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
