There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
