he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
