I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
