It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
