Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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