I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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