Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
