Tell her she can't have a vagina
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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