Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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