He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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