birth control should be required to get into college
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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