Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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