you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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