I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
false alarm. still invincible.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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