then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
