im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
