I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
