My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
