idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The power of my boobs compel you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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