The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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