The maid of honor just puked.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
