Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
