Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just want to make out with him forever
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
