It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
